After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
