Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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