Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
