Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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