i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
