So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My vagina just recognized that song.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
