You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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