I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize