you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
