You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
