he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
