sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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