so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
