Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
