Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
