I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
