Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
