So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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