mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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