she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
