nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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