i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
