I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
