so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
