He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
