my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
