If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
