he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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