U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
