Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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