It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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