My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
