just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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