Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Randomize
