My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
worst night to have a conscience
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
