just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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