Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My dick has a subreddit
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize