did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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