i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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