last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
