This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She bit a glass in half.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
