Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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