Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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