I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
