Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
