dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
