no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
its liver damage thursday
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize