i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize