Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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