My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize