i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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