That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize