There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
