i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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