The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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