She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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