I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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