Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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