guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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