loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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