Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Its about making memories worth repressing
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
