you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
