maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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