Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize