Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize