i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
