Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
