oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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