I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
