No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize