I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
