Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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