You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
